Why is rejection so powerful?
Perhaps you are scorned by a lover. You feel unlovable — even if that paramour is not the right match. Unloved, you will be alone.
The boss doesn’t approve your idea. You feel stupid. You feel useless. You know your job is no longer secure.
The customer does not buy. The client chooses a competitor professional. You feel threatened.
Rejection tells us we are unworthy. We are unwanted. We are alone.
We are in danger.
Let’s get down to it. Let’s peel off the paint and see the moldy wall. Let’s pull up the tile and find the termite-eaten floor. Let’s look at rejection right in the eye.
Rejection equals death.
As a coach, a professor, an artist, and an entrepreneur, I’ve read, taught, and learned a whole hell-of-a-lot ‘bout rejection. I’ve learned it’s my most dangerous enemy — but can be my best friend. If I learn to listen. Rejection can be a route to understanding self. To identifying people who are not good for you. Who do not really love you or even like you. To inspiring you to find your tribe. To learning who you really are. And to finding what qualities make you, you.
Let’s take a look at others who were rejected.
FIRE ME
Anna Wintour: Editor of Vogue. Was fired from Harper’s Bazaar because her photo shoots were “too edgy.” She recommends everyone get fired as it’s a great learning experience.
Hugh Jackman? Fired from his convenience store job. He was too chatty with customers. (What if he changed to be what that boss demanded?)
Walt Disney was fired from a newspaper because he “lacked imagination and had no good ideas.” Do you take others’ evaluation of your work as fact? Because, like an asshole, everyone has an opinion.
Before Steve Jobs was Apple, Steve Jobs was fired from Microsoft.
J. K Rowling was fired from Amnesty International because she was caught writing stories instead of doing her work.
Oprah, I don’t even need to give you her surname, was fired for being too emotional as a reporter.
WE DON’T WANT YOU
Stephen King’s first novel, Carrie, was rejected 30 times. He reconsidered after his wife urged him to try again.
Sidney Poitier was told by a casting director to “stop wasting people’s time and go out and become a dishwasher.”
Steven Spielberg: University of South California School of Theatre, Film and Television rejected him three times. Three. Do you think they rejected him because they didn’t see promise? I bet that’s true. But they were so wrong.
Jerry Seinfeld was booed off of the stage at a comedy club. Ouch. Glad he is made of some tough stuff.
Lucille Ball, the first woman to run a television studio, was dubbed “Queen of the Bs” (b-movies). Because she sucked, obviously. Are you laughing yet?
The Beatles were dropped by their first record label who decided guitar music was on its way out. Because people who judge others are always right.
Right?
SUBJECTIVITY IS ONLY THE SURFACE OF REJECTION
Popular advice says that after being rejected, you need to recognize the subjectivity of the other person’s opinion. While that’s great advice, it does not cure the heart of the issue. The fact is rejection, no matter the validity, makes us feel threatened. In danger. Insecure.
After you are rejected, as you dig deep into your emotion, you might find you see your parent’s face. Because, boys and girls, that’s where you were first rejected. And you learned at that tender age of two or five or seven that you could pretend to be whatever that parent wanted you to be. Then Mom would love you. Dad would love you. You would be safe.
There’s the rub. You pretend, you hide, you minimize who you are. All in the attempt to be safe and be loved.
THE REJECTED ARTIST
How many people start out wanting to be artists, singers, musicians, writers?
When did you give up on your creative pursuits? When did you set aside who you are?
Here’s the thing: I have four publications on Medium and I want to publish your article, your story, your poem.
Am I a big publishing house? Nope. Can I pay you? I can’t. But you can earn through Medium’s author program, sure.
What I can give you is acceptance. Respect. A tribe where you are safe. And loved.
I know you have something to say. And I know you can write.
So, come write for one of my publications.
Manual Focus — Helping creatives overcome and decry harsh realities by providing a sanctuary for ruminating. Or: Where you can come to not feel bad that you’re poor.
Warts and All — The hard to swallow truest truths, satirical W&A examines the meaning of this life. Not for the faint of heart.
Hadrian’s Hall — Expert business, communication science, legal, social advice and insight often repeated but ignored. Expertise in any topic is welcome!
Solitude Spiral — Moving and meaningful short fiction, flash fiction and poetry. By introverts for the world.
HOW and WHY?
Start by signing up for Medium. You must be a paid subscriber / partner to be eligible for writing royalties. You will create an account and should draft a short bio.
Yes, I get a commission for you joining through my link. No, you are not buying your way into my good graces. You will also create that link for your own stories once you are writing for Medium. Pay it forward.
I also get more authors drawing attention to my publications. Sure. I admit it.
But you know what I want?
I want to un-reject you. I’m building a tribe, baby!
So, take the leap. Write your story. Write your article. Submit it to one of my publications. I will help you get it published.
