We’ve sold our souls so we can switch off a light by asking.

Smart-home devices, collectively called the Internet of Things or IoT, provide convenience at a cost higher than the price to purchase the components.

It’s not like I have anything to hide. Perhaps, the orgies and monthly ritual sacrifice are not something I want promoted to the world. But aside from that, what secrets do I have? Revelation of my secrets is not an issue.

My worth is an issue. The sanctity of my home is an issue. I have decided reducing my anxiety is more important than adding convenience.

So, I have refused a smart-home and have chosen a dumb-home. And I’m happier for it.

HONEYMOON PHASE

When my husband and I purchased our first home, we decided to go all-out on tech. Camera and video doorbells, AI operated flood lights, every lightbulb on the home system. We added speakers and smart-appliances.

And we loved it.

In our three-floor townhouse, I could whisper-call my husband or the kids from my third-floor office and they would get the message in the basement. We could turn lights on and off — including the porch light when arriving home late at night. We could set the thermostat from anywhere. This was particularly nice when the bedroom was too warm or too hot, but we could stay in bed and change the temp.

We could operate lights to pretend we were home while away. I could start the oven, finish the laundry, play music. Read me that recipe. What’s the news summary? Blast my Spotify workout playlist. What’s this week’s weather in Botswana? It was glorious!

I especially liked the doorbell camera. We have since moved from that town and no longer suffer the porch piratesstealing packages. But with the camera, I never worried. We also relied on it to help neighbors (Yes, you got the delivery. Yes, your daughter arrived.) With that camera, we were even able to help an elderly neighbor who set her kitchen on fire.

Loved it.

But then, like any lover passing in the night, the romance wore off.

THE 9–1–1 SCARE

I mentioned this incident in a prior story.

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Post installation of our Google Home system, Hubby and I were evaluating the danger of the flights of stairs in our townhouse. We joked about falling and not being able to get up. We’re older, so funny, but not funny. He wondered, aloud, if the system would contact 9–1–1.

It did. Instantly. Even though we had not activated it.

When you need emergency help, that responsiveness is impressive, so we were quite happy with our system.

STERN WARNING

A family member I’ll call Alex is against all home systems. He refused to enter our front door because we had a camera-doorbell. He would not speak about sensitive or political topics because Google might hear. He had steps to ensure his phone could not track or listen to him.

This is the guy who has tape over his computer camera so “they” don’t watch him. He has burner phones. He has zero tech in his life.

And, united, we called him insane.

Sure, we had little inconsistencies. The system refused to recognize my voice and had to be reset a number of times. We repeatedly had to reprogram our thermostat, which, no matter how many times we cleared the settings, would raise the heat. The thing never was able to telephone or video call anyone properly, always selecting the wrong person from contacts. And I swear, it insisted on speaking when not spoken to.

We did notice the speakers lighting up without being awakened.

THE WATER HEATER

Our concerns were piqued when we had a conversation about purchasing a new water heater. We were in our bathroom. With the door closed. As I showered and hubby took a long bath, we reviewed options for replacing our water heater.

The nearest smart home speaker was 30 feet away, beyond the closed door. It should not have been activated. And, no, our phones were not in the bathroom with us.

We got into bed. We both were checking our social media feeds. And we both were presented with water heater ads.

Nope. No. No way.

A PRIVATE CONVERSATION

The second incident filled my veins with ice water. Hubby and I were talking about a dear friend who, regrettably, had returned to drug-use. He had completed a program and was sober for almost a year. But over that weekend, we noticed he was high and drunk. And we were expressing concern.

And out of no-fucking-where our smart speaker says:

“Use of illegal substances can result in prosecution and imprisonment. If you have a drug problem, you can contact XYZ counseling in Philadelphia.”

We unplugged the whole damn system.

THE LIES

We know social media companies sell our personal information. We know social media is a shiny ball attracting us into the slaughterhouse. Facebook, TikTok — all use our fear-of-missing-out as a lure. We bite. They auction us like any other livestock.

If you do not realize this, step away from the selfie stick. Read some news. Talk to people face-to-face. Get out of the house and away from the screen occasionally. No photo filter is going to help that pasty rickets look you’re rocking. Get some sunshine, Casper.

We allow, ignore, and encourage the social media thieves — and I will level à propos criticism for using these manipulative platforms in a future article.

In this article, I want to stress that while social media platforms are manipulative (and socially dangerous), these smart home systems, however, are patently dangerous.

THE GENERAL DANGERS

1. You become a product: Like social media companies, smart home systems will sell your data. The company learns what system you use, when and why the components are sued, your network traffic, what shows you watch, and so on. Then it sells that data to marketing firms. From Sapna Maheshwari’s 2018 New York Times article (This Thermometer Tells Your Temperature, Then Tells Firms Where to Advertise)

Amazon has submitted a patent application, recently granted, outlining how the company could recommend chicken soup or cough drops to people who use its Echo device if it detects symptoms like coughing and sniffling when they speak to it, according to a report by CNET. It could even suggest a visit to the movies after discerning boredom. Other patents submitted by the companyhave focused on how it could suggest products to people based on keywords in their conversations.

2. You become a lazier shit than you already are. You now live in will evolve to be Wall-E world and become a lazy couch potato who doesn’t even get up to turn off a light.

3. You get dumber. Similarly, we can suffer an overreliance on technology. Looking up recipes. Simple mathematical calculations. Social scientists call this issue The Google Effect (or digital amnesia). We know we can look it up later, so do not commit anything to memory. Go ahead. List your friends’ and family members’ phone numbers, mailing and email addresses, and birthdates. You can’t — but I can still recite my friends and my own phone number, address, and birthdates from 1975. We mistakenly believe (a) we can always look it up or find it on the internet and (b) we are knowledgeable or intelligent because we can locate data on the internet. None of which is true.

I bet you can’t use a paper map. I so hope you get lost in the desert with no mobile signal. That’ll learn ya!

4. You are being watched. Your neighbor can have a camera pointed at your house. That neighbor who reports everything you do to the zoning board — or wants to catch you doing something nefarious — can be recording video and audio of your life. I prefer to force good old neighbor Tom to stand out in the rain to spy me fixing my front steps. Why should he stay dry while spying on me with his door camera? Screw you, Tom.

5. You are under the control of Hal. Remember Hal, the computer with conflicting programing who murders and attempts to murder its human astronauts in the film 2001: A Space Odyssey? (If you haven’t seen the film, please do so now. Better yet, read the book. If you refuse to read or watch this classic, please go away.) What if your smart thermostat decides 40 degrees is warm enough and won’t allow you access to your system? Or locks you out of your house? Or won’t light the lights after you hear a crash in the middle of the night? Think those scenarios are impossible? You’ve never been locked out of your phone or other device? These situations do happen even without Arthur C. Clarke and Stanley Kubrick hanging around.

6. You are being recorded. Anyone with your Amazon Echo log in can “drop in” and listen to your life. So, after you break up, you best be changing the locks on the door and the log in information on your home system. Before you break up, yes, she can log in and hear you nailing the babysitter. Duh.

7. Anyone near your system can order 10,000 pizzas. You must set limits using a voice match or purchase PIN. I’ve had several friends and family members report children ordering video games or toys, or mention of wanting an item results in a purchase.

8. Hackers can access your cameras and everything else in your connected system. You must consult experts and follow security procedures to protect yourself (no method is foolproof except not owning one of these systems — or having a closed CCTV system). Hackers look for an easy way into the system — like access to your cat’s litter box or dog feeder and then perform lateral attacks into your main systems. For example, an internet-connected fish tank was used to steal data from a Vegas casino! What if your smart sex-toy is hacked and rating your orgasms?

9. Your data is stored. So when you toss an outdated or broken device, your data — including passwords — can be recovered. Care must be taken and passwords should be complex — and changed often!

10. Your location is known. Smart home devices, like your cell phone, are connected to Global Positioning Systems (GPS). And while it’s cool to find your house on a tech map or use GPS to drive to a destination, not everyone using the information has good intentions.

And that’s a list of the inane issues.

THE DARK DANGERS

When researching this article, I searched through Google and was fed “stop using until you change your settings” articles. It’s all fine here. You just need to become more tech savvy.

I was also fed articles on how home systems can allow hackers into your life.

Hackers.

No or little mention of how Alexa, Siri and Google have their own cameras so far up my colon they could bill my health insurance.

When I researched using my Tor browser, I was handed a list (hundreds) of tech-savvy advice (Tristan Perry, Kirby Allen, Chris Odogwu) which admittedly included the get-tech-educated and hacker warnings, but also included the absolute danger of these systems.

• Alteration of recordings and control of systems. Hackers can edit your cherished video and audio recordings from your home system and make it look like no one was there when your house was robbed. They can also operate your devices remotely. Do you want anyone having access to your baby monitor, television, or oven?
• Collection of facial recognition data. Except in Illinois where it is banned, every Nest doorbell is taking your picture and storing it in facial recognition databases. So, our friend Alex was right to refuse to pass in front of our doorbell.
• Concerns IoT will be used to perpetuate domestic abuse or stalking. Potentially, an abuser could lock the victim in the home — or eavesdrop on the victim’s life. These are real concerns actively studied.
• Identity theft. Hackers can steal your identity. Most people scoff at this threat, but as a victim of identity theft, it’s not fun or funny. When a hacker or other unscrupulous scum of the earth asshole steals your purse and identification while you’re having dinner, they have access to your life. It’s not just one credit card or a charge for 10,000 pizzas. It’s someone using your social security number, pinning tax and employment crimes on you, purchasing high-ticket items like cars in your name and with your credit, altering title to your property, committing crimes in your name. Don’t scoff. Think.
• Government surveillance. While I’m not a criminal with anything to hide, as an attorney, I am deeply concerned with warrantless searches. You don’t have a warrant, stay the hell out of my world. No, you can’t come in. Where’s your probable cause? Well, between The Patriot Act and tech advances, warrants are forgotten. Smart home technology allows intelligence agencies to eavesdrop, record data, and track anyone plugged in. You think your smart TV is off? Think again. Think your prescription meds are protected by HIPAA? Think again. All in the name of protecting you.

Maybe you faux intellectuals will believe a TED Talk?

Journalists Kashmire Hill and Surya Mattu found smart home devices were constantly listening. In two months, the smart home recorded what the family watched on television, what they searched on the internet, when they were home and when they were not, when they brushed their teeth, when they ate… Amazon Echo contacted its servers every few minutes — even if the family was not home.

THE WORK AROUND

While I regularly argue that if social media companies and smart-home tech companies want to sell my data, they should pay me (and all of us) to use their stuff, I would even forgo those incentives to escape the tech invasion. Here are the solutions from obvious to more obvious.

1. Reduce risk of hacking by using two-factor authentication, unique passwords on your wi-fi, and naming your router. Take care to verify the sender before clicking advertisements or updates or notifications — favorite routes for hackers.
2. Choose wisely. Purchase best-in-class systems — and update regularly.
3. Change passwords regularly. Don’t get lazy. Monitor on a weekly basis.
4. Invest in identity protection services. You want the convenience, take the effort to secure protection. It’s like a condom. Prophylactics are not fun, but a necessary aspect of mature activity.
5. Stop using this crap. Just stop. Alex was right and I have apologized and suffered his nodding smugness. If friends mock you for not being tech-cool, order 10,000 pizzas when you visit them. This is a personal decision and those choosing to avoid the circus have valid and sane reasons. Sure, as a Gen Xer, I fear Skynet. But I and my compatriots are not conspiracy theorists. We are 73% of the population. You early adopters go ahead. I’ll sit back and keep my privacy and peace of mind.

My only complaint since choosing a dumb-home?

None.