Why am I screaming at the top of my lungs? Because Carens are not born. Carens are made.
The US Post Office has turned me into a Caren.
Someone — anyone — please explain to me why a letter traveling one town over takes a week to arrive?
In other articles, I have described external noise: interference across a communication channel. To me, the United States Postal Service is the epitome of external noise.
THE MONOPOLY
I’m attempting to communicate across space. I have something to say. I have a gift to give. I have documents to serve. I have promotions to make.
And I am forced, as are you, Constitutionally, to use the monopoly that is the United States Postal Service.
Article 1, Second 8, Clause 7 of our federal Constitution mandates that Congress has the sole power to establish and make all laws necessary and proper to establish a Post and Post Roads. The power was defined, and arguably broadened, in 1878, when the Supreme Court decided the postal service has a de facto monopoly of the postal system. In that decision, the Court dictated the Postal Service — and only the Postal Service — could determine what must be delivered by them and what could be excluded from delivery by them. The Court also determined that delivery of anything under 13 ounces and standard bulk mail are solely the Postal Service’s role. Only express mail and large packages can be handled by private contractors.
Over the years, this also meant that no one can use post boxes for unstamped messages. So, yes, stop putting your Avon catalogues into your neighbor’s post boxes. Unless you mail them. Yes, I know, then your timely mailing will arrive at least six weeks after the catalogues are outdated.
Would you like to join me in my rant?
THE REASONING
The 1789 reasoning was, and is still, sound:
- A postal service allows the government to reach its citizenry, reliably.
- A postal service ensures ease of commerce.
- A postal service can, allegedly, control costs.
Between delayed and misplaced mail-in ballots, delivery delays, damage, and it’s bankrupt condition, those reasons are no longer satisfied by the Post.
MY WAR WITH THE POSTMASTER
My office was on a postal sub-route. I’m not sure what the Postal Service calls it officially, but it meant that my business mail was delivered by a Postal Worker who was done with his or her regular route. If that person was not done, I didn’t get mail.
In my building were 5 businesses. We would wonder at the reason we did not receive mail for three or four days. Until I discovered the sub-route problem.
And because our building did not have a dedicated Postal Worker, whoever did show up often had no idea who worked for what business, which business was in which suite…
I spent at least 20 minutes a month redelivering mail to my neighbors that was haphazardly dropped in my delivery slot.
And you say, big deal. Easy, woman. Calm down.
Yeah?
I was an attorney (retired because of crap like this). So was the guy across the hall. Legal documents have deadlines. And contain highly sensitive information. My neighbor was an investment broker — his mail contained private financial information. Mis-routing was a serious security risk for us, as it was for the insurance broker on the first floor.
The fifth tenant, a contractor, would wait for paperwork or checks — and if the one of us with the incorrectly routed mail was away for a day or so, the contractor would be beside himself.
So, I complained. I went to the Postmaster. I went to the complaint department at the federal level. Do you know what happened?
We got a dedicated Letter Carrier.
But that result took two years.
THE CURE THAT MAKES IT WORSE
You can get around the Postal Monopoly by sending your 13 ounce letter by using an express delivery service, and swallowing the costs like a neophyte hooker.
I mailed a letter from my office in Brick, New Jersey to another office in Sicklerville, New Jersey. These towns are 74 minutes away as the car flies.
After three days and the receiver still had not received the item, I went Sherlock Holmes. Here’s what I found and the reason I am about to suffer an aneurysm.
October 20–7:13 pm LAKEWOOD, NJ Picked up
October 20–8:07 pm LAKEWOOD, NJ Left FedEx origin facility
(Looks great so far.)
October 20–9:03 pm NEWARK, NJ Arrived at FedEx location
(On a side note, the distance from Lakewood to Newark is 52 highway miles and takes at least an hour. Look at the time. Not only did the driver speed his balls or her tits off, but my package was hurled on and off the vehicle. I would also note that Newark is north of Lakewood — the delivery location is south west the other direction. But I digress to issues for another time.)
October 20–9:10 pm NEWARK, NJ Departed FedEx location
(And that concludes a 7 minute visit to Newark. Which is really the maximum amount of time anything or anyone should visit Newark.)
However, the plot thickens:
October 21–9:50 am NEWARK, NJ Departed FedEx location
Over 12 hours later, my package left the Newark facility a second time. I don’t even want to know what the hell happened. But why? Why????
October 21–11:08 am MEMPHIS, TN Arrived at FedEx location
Now, this is amazing. In a little over an hour, my package made it to Memphis, Tennessee.
Which gave me pause.
Here’s what happened: The package left the truck facility at 9:10 pm, October the 20th — and then twelve or so hours later left the air facility at 9:50 am. In an hour and a half, it arrived in Memphis at the air facility.
Okay. That makes sense. Sort of.
Why in the flying F is my package, that needs to travel one hour within the State of New Jersey, going to Tennessee? Does it have family to visit there? Is it going to the Grand Ole Opry for a concert???
October 22–2:58 am MEMPHIS, TN Departed FedEx location
October 22–5:58 am PHILADELPHIA, PA At destination sort facility
October 22–7:22 am BELLMAWR, NJ At local FedEx facility
October 22–8:03 am BELLMAWR, NJ On vehicle for delivery
Delivered, October 22 at 7:55 pm.
Total trip time: 48 hours.
Driving from Brick to Sicklerville, I could have delivered 19 packages in that timeframe — there and back and do it again. Hell, I could have walked it round trip. And I have an injured right foot.
TODAY
“By the early 18th century, the posts were made a sovereign function in almost all nations because they were considered a sovereign necessity. Government without communication is impossible, and until the invention of the telephone and telegraph, the mails were the principal means of communication.” Justice William Rehnquist — USPS v. Council of Greenburgh Civic Associations.
Notice Rehnquist’s note: Until the invention of the telephone and telegraph.
Reliance on digital mail has to be one option. The Postal Service and express delivery services are not cutting it. Perhaps it’s the lack of competition?
Almost thirty years ago, Sweden and New Zealand let go of their postal monopolies and the Netherlands privatized its post. Almost twenty years ago, Germany privatized and allows competition.
Is it not time for the United States follows suit? Or, at the very least, investigate competitive options?
Because I’m going postal.
