The attempt to silence women

Karen.

For all the people named Karen, I feel for you. Your name has become similar to naming a child Adolf. I’m sorry you have to suffer this negative treatment just because your parents named you after your grandmother.

A Karen is an older, privileged, middle to upper class white woman who exhibits privileged behaviors like: demanding special service, demanding attention from management, demeaning service workers, refuses to wear a mask or asserts anti-vax facts, commits racist micro-aggressions, or weaponizing their whiteness. The name might be based on a bob haircut style or the African-American tradition of labeling meddlesome women with a code name: Miss Ann or Becky.

KAREN INCIDENTS

The Birdwatching Incident: Christian Cooper, a black man, was birdwatching in Central Park. But white woman Amy Cooper (no relation) refused to leash her dog (although required to do so) when Christian asked her to do so. Then she called the police on Christian with claims of threats and a claim of assault.

Permit Patty: This Karen, Alison Ettel, called the police on a black eight-year-old girl selling water because she was doing so without a permit. Jordan Rodgers was trying to raise money to go to Disney. Alison claimed the child was being too loud.

Antivax Karen: This woman deliberately coughed in the manager’s face when asked to change tables to effectuate social distancing. Another insisted she had the legal right to shop without a mask.

Barbeque Becky: Karen, also called Barbeque Becky, decided to call the police because a black family was having a barbeque lakeside. She claimed they were not permitted the use of charcoal grills in that area of the park. She was correct. It was a misreading of the park map — a simple mistake causing no harm to anyone. But we need to ask: Would you have called the police on a white family, Becky?

I accept that the list of behaviors is unacceptable. Disgusting, actually. Each is an example of how a white woman uses both her womanhood and/or her whiteness to play victim, believing that the authorities will be on her side. And, unquestioningly, these perpetrators deserve to be shamed — and society must become sensitive to this type of behavior so we can condemn it. I happily post the videos of these incidents, hoping we never forget what subtle or obvious racism and antisocial behavior look like.

TAKING A RISK HERE…

However, I also find labeling every older woman who stands up for herself as Karen is ageist, sexist, and, yes, racist against white people. I know I’m going to get attacked because of this statement. But I’m not the only one who is concerned. Calling someone a Karen is not always justified and is becoming a route to tell a woman to shut up. The humor-value of these tropes, videos, memes perpetuates that no one besides white, older women behave in this manner.

We cannot shame a category of person. We must shame the behavior.

Also, attacking a woman just because she is older, white, economically privileged, and upset or angry is just as evil and unacceptable as the actions in the list above. We must not silence people based on a meme. And I worry that’s exactly what will happen. This Karen accusation could have a chilling effect on women, especially white women, demanding fair treatment. Women do not want to be considered histrionic, or unreasonable, or racist.

Do not confront racism with sexism or ageism.

GOING TOO FAR: ASSAULT & CRUELTY

Victoria Secret Karen: The videographer, Miss Ukenta, insisted the Karen, Abigail Elphick, got too close to her when shopping and, when asked to back up, tried to assault her. One of the videos in the series does show Miss Elphick swiping at Miss Ukenta. But considering none of the employees are interfering in the exchange, I wonder if the incident was as reported. And why Miss Ukenta did not merely register a complaint or call the police. All I see is a mentally unhinged girl being assaulted with a video camera. And Miss Ukenta profiting to the tune of $85,000 from her viral video.

There is no doubt Miss Elphick was faking and adding to the madness of the moment. But, are we, as a society, becoming that unkind that we will film and pursue an unstable person in order to capture that gem of a viral video? Was the solution not to report an attempted assault to the store management? Did Miss Elphick ever demonstrate anything but mental illness? Was this rude shopper incident escalated? Miss Ukenta asserts she could have been killed? Really?

THE TRUTH OF THE BIRDWATCHING INCIDENT

Right before the known video started rolling, Christian Cooper posted a video sharing how he approached Amy Cooper, a woman alone in the park, and with treats he had brought “just for such intransigence (sic)” and he tried to lure her dog away from her. By his own admission. The media never mentioned his action prior to hers. She lost her job. She’s forever a Karen. And he had his moment of stardom.

Do women need to fear reporting aggression, assault, or harassment because someone will point: Karen?

THIS IS NOT A GAME

In this column, I would like to offer the other side: As an older white woman, who considers herself level-headed, logical, and, for the most part calm, and who abhors histrionics of any sort, I often find the modern world testing my nature. And I have critical things to say. Sometimes to the store management.

My reaction should not be negated as hysterical or one of privilege — but understood from my and my generation’s perspective. In my youth, people were more considerate. Customer service, served. Sometimes the modern world just gets to me in a mood no Millennial or younger can appreciate.

And sometimes, damn it, I just disagree.

Can you consider older woman have opinions to better society?

CARENS NOT KARENS

A strong, opinionated woman is not a bad thing. A woman who demands fair treatment or her rights should be respected. The Karen trope is as harmful as the Bitch label. I will not be silenced or fearful that I will be filmed and characterized by a conveniently edited video.

Women should not accept being treated like a number or objectified as not having feelings or needs. We do not find dismissive behavior acceptable.

And we do, for the most part, exhibit and expect good manners. And good manners does not mean white people manners. Please, thank you, respecting others, being kind, giving good customer service — these are universal manners.

I would never video another person who was obviously hysterical or having a mental breakdown just so I can earn likes on my social media account. That’s called cruelty — and arguably assault — no matter your age or race.

I will — and expect you to — ask for a manager to rectify poor customer service.

I will call the police for a crime and otherwise mind my business.

I will also point out any woman who tries to weaponise victimhood.

And I will decry and attack anyone who harms another person based on the color of their skin. I don’t care about the perpetrator’s color, sex, gender, age, or socioeconomic status. I will call it what it is: racism. But I will not fight racism — or any other societal ill — by committing more oppression.

And, in this collumn, I will state my observations, show my experience, and give my opinions. You can also enjoy some of my Caren Rants in Warts & All: Call Me Caren.